Priority

maybe it took awhile for me to write everything that i felt these days.

but it is simply because i sort things out, i figure a lot.

what i want, what i need, and what i have to do.

1. What i have to do

to be honest, i'm scared.

i'm scared for my passion and what i want to do in life.

i want to be a writer, that's all i want to do and what i'm good at since i was only 6 years old ( no, i'm not gonna post my first story that i wrote.)

i know till today not even once my writing get published or similar to that, but i always knew i want to be that, a girl who's proudly seeing her book in a book store and that book strangely have her name on it.

but reality hits me and well, this morning the well known writers talking about the money they got from  their book. and it's not enough for their living.

maybe i knew it all along, i just didn't want to accept the idea of doing something just for money. something that you're not passionate about. i knew that you have to be like J.K. Rowling so you can say that it's okay for living only from writing and making novels. But there's only one J.K. Rowling in this world.

now all i have to do is trying to explore the possibility of another job or maybe similar of what i love; journalist, or writer in a magazine, or maybe i want to make my own magazine. the last one sounds awesome but need a lot of works.

but i like the idea, i just have to make it real. not just some idea.

2. What i want

this gonna take the whole post if i really do write everything that i want.

so i'm just write things that i really want, but impossible for me to get it.

i can say impossible because i have zero talent for things that i want to become and things that really impossible for me to have

• i want to be a dancer
• i want to be a model ( nope, mock me all day long, it's my very first dream job)
• i want to be a singer
• i want to be a good cook
• i want to pull off a skinny jeans
• i want to have a dog
• i want to touch the skin of house lizard ( which i'm scared)
• i want to have a cheetah as my pet
• i want to be able not to judge, everything. even a slight negative comment is unacceptable

yup, these are several things. and there's some that really impossible and some that maybe i can work it out if i try harder like being a good cook or pull off a skinny jeans. even though i know pull off a skinny jeans for me is extremely hard.

3. What i need

now i have to sort things that i need in my life.

i only once wrote down about the negativity about my boyfriend, about how ignorant he is when he's busy.

but the thing is we fought, a lot. and that's make us who we are now, in our relationship. which is good.

suddenly i realized this afternoon, that i've been with this man for 3 years, it's a really long time! i never thought that we gonna be this committed to this relationship, which is good because now i really know him.

and i don't need another guy at all, because even though he likes to brag about himself, deep down he's a nice guy who knows when to become a friend for me.

the other thing is my friends. i don't need to write their one by one because they know that i love them. i have a vary kinds of friends and which is good because i can see everything in different perspective.

even though sometimes is hard for not having a peer, but i'm glad i can called several person as my true friends.

my family? it's so obvious that i need them, so i don't want to spending my time explaining about how awesome they are, because i they already know how much i need them, badly. ( and family including my beautiful alice)

of course i need to be mature and need to find what i really want and can to be in this life as soon as possible