Harsh Truth about Birthday

okay first of all screw my post about negativism and my kind of unsettle mind about should or not i post about something that have a negativity-ish about it.

screw that, this is not about someone it's about me, my birthday me, and the truth.

here we go.

today is my birthday, hooray, the end.

i hate my birthday, i hate being excited about my birthday, and everyone let me down at my so called special day.

seriously, i really hate it.

maybe it's because it's my special day, i expect people to care, i expect people to act different toward me, and the point about all of that, i expect something more.

it's hard, it's f*ing hard.

on 19th January during the day, i expect nothing, i really don't.

but when the night comes and ya you know all of a sudden i remember,

"tomorrow is my birthday, what should i wear? should i ask my friends to come? are they gonna come to my house? will i get a lot of presents? what kind of cake that i'll have? do people remember about my birthday?"

stupid thoughts.

i just wish i can skip this date, 20th January, so people will forget, and i have zero expectation about people.

this is the reality believe or not even you said that you don't care about your birthday, deep down inside, you do care, even just a little.

and it's really an unpleasant feeling, when you know nobody really care.